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| Now What? Maybe it has been three weeks since your baby died. Maybe it has been three months or three years. There are no right or wrong feelings to be having. I have known women who have gotten pregnant again only two or three months after their baby died. I have known women who have gotten their tubes tied. It is a personal decision, and whatever decision you make, make it with a clear mind. Any decision made under emotional distress may be one you regret later. NO ONE has the right answer for YOU. It is, in my experience, normal to think about having more children right away. My husband and I discussed the fact that we wanted to try again right after Paige's funeral. Not that we wanted to get pregnant then, but we agreed then that it was something we would eventually do, and probably pretty soon. We missed having a baby in the house. I struggled with feeling guilty. I felt like I was replacing Paige. My therapist asked me, "Why do you feel that way? If you could talk to Paige, what would she tell you?" And I said, "Paige would tell me to have as many kids as I wanted." That has been a big comfort to me. In my experience, talking to a therapist has been wonderfully healing. I get to have someone listen to everything I need to say. She has had some wonderful insights and helped me to think of things I hadn't thought of. Another thing I have found very beneficial is a support group. I found one for perinatal loss, which is wonderful, because we have all experienced the same type of loss. At first I didn't think I wanted to go. I was afraid of: "Oh, that's terrible. Now listen to what happened to me, it's even worse." But that didn't happen. Group therapy is a place to tell your story and listen to other people's stories. Knowing others out there understand what I am going through is tremendously helpful. There are many, many people who have lost a baby, people you may have known your whole life, who now tell you their story at church or the mall. I have begun to realize that, tragically, perinatal loss is common. I am not able to work right now. I went back after my 6 weeks postpartum checkup from my c-section, but as the shock slowly wore off I realized that I was not ready. In July, after 3 months back, I started to become frustrated, disorganized, overwhelmed, tearful and forgetful at work. I work in a high-paced, very stressful cardiac telemetry unit, with very sick patients. My concern became that I could easily make a medication error. With cardiac drugs, this means I could kill someone. I realized how I had not given myself the time to grieve for Paige. With all my time taken away by work and kids I hardly had a moment to think about her, and I wanted to have that time. I needed to sit down and cry over her pictures. I can function at home--clean, cook, take care of the kids. But I am forgetful there, too. I have timers all around: to remember my thyroid medicine, to bathe the kids, to leave the house to pick Gabby up from school. And I get frustrated with them sometimes. I am working hard at it. I believe I will get there. I don't know that I will ever go back to the hospital, though. I think I need a change, less stress. The Lord has a plan for me, and He will reveal it when the time is right. The comments and suggestions here are in no way intended to replace or belittle the personal beliefs of anyone reading this. These are my beliefs only. It is not intended to offend anyone. You may choose to agree or disagree. My goal is to help, not hurt. All information provided here is for educational purposes only. It is not written by a physician nor intended to be a diagnosis, or a substitute for the help of a professional. Always seek your doctor's advice for any questions related to your health or the health of a loved one. | |
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